The Story Behind Generosity

Boxing day 2004. Cosied up in a country Pub in Dorset, England, I was unaware of the horror that was unfolding thousands of miles away. I was also unaware that the Boxing Day Tsunami was going to change my life.

Eight months later, I found myself in South East India. Overnight I became mom to six children and began living 600 meters away from the ocean that killed their parents. Every morning I would rise with the rising temperature, go out onto the roof and gaze over the ocean, always placid as the sunrise reflected like a burning road to the east.

5000 miles away in England, Pete Worthington (as usual) was working on a plan to take over the world. Eight months previously, Pete, surrounded by presents, looked on at the enormous devastation and knew he had to do something. But Pete wasn’t just moved to help these people, he was gripped by a need bigger than the tsunami, he knew something in him needed to live differently, not just giving in this moment of disaster, but day in day out. A life lived to bring life.

Pete started to dream of what a person with a core value of big-heartedness would look like. What would happen if we swapped our investment in the material and the self-help, and replaced it by pouring ourselves into the things that don’t tarnish.

‘Three things will last forever - faith, hope and love – and the greatest of these is love.’

Determined to shift his lifestyle to match up with the person he wanted to be, Pete applied who he was (web-site geek, 24-7 leader and unstoppable dreamer) to the situation and the Living Generously concept was born.

Pete envisioned an online portal where people can connect with situations all around the world. Rather than feeling disempowered by the enormity of need, a way people could turn their prayer into action and invest directly into specific situations, knowing that their help would achieve breakthrough whether it was an operation, a water-well or housing for an orphan. Pete set up the site in such a way that people could give to different things on any given day, that they could receive the projects as gifts at Christmas or buy them as birthday presents. It didn’t really matter, it was just all about giving opportunity for ongoing generosity.

Yet, as we embarked on our generous journey, we discovered more and more that giving financially was just an expression of the generous soul. Being generous was greater than giving generously or doing generous things. After all, we are human beings, not human doings. The core value of generosity permeates every part of a persons’ life. It’s about whom we are, being generous with every part of ourselves. Lives overflowing relationally, ecologically and with our time. A life turned inside outwards.

Like many before me, on my return from the sub-continent, I discovered what I had suspected for some time, that poverty runs deeper than the money in your pocket. I found that the physical poverty of the South was matched only by the personal poverty of the West. Poverty, I believe, begins in a person’s heart. By investing ourselves in the perishable, we had made our own lives small and impoverished. The disillusion of materialism, the lack of a cause that’s bigger than ourselves and the loss of social connection (insular living) makes people insignificant and takes away their courage. The resulting apathy - in a time that needs heroes - makes people small in a land of giants (Numbers 13:32-33).

‘Comfortable makes cowards of us all’ Danny silk

We need to care because caring rescues us. In living a life of radical generosity, I had as much to gain as anyone. I’m now not surprised that research has found that people who give of themselves are ‘happier, healthier, richer’ (Arthur Brookes). That’s what God’s been telling us all along: ‘It’s better to give than receive’.

All Living Generously did was recognise the ‘signs of the times’, and sought to give voice to a stirring that is occurring in the West.

‘There is a young generation that couldn’t care less about money and couldn’t careless about names.’ Lou Engle

Being a voice for the cry of a generation only requires a belief that you can affect it. People are designed to be significant, free, creative and heroic like their Father.

So, our passion became twofold. We wanted to continue seeing the world impacted by generosity, but we also wanted to see people impacted themselves by being generous. It is important after decades of materialism, postmodernism and dis-couragement to create community and (en)couragement for the hosts of people out there who knew they were made to matter.

‘All men die, but not all men truly live.’ BraveHeart

And to me, it’s all about really living…

Read the full article at 24-7 Prayer

24-7 Prayer Bristol

Bristol has long felt a little bereft of 24-7 community. We have always needed to travel to gatherings or iChat our way into the presence of ‘our people’. That was until Monday."

"I had heard underground rumours that there were 24-7 rumblings starting in the city. Random connections and conversations were taking place between people I did not know. Out of the rumblings came a tour date in Bristol, a meeting point, a dot on the map.

So on Monday night, I drove into the dodgy part of town in my car that looked quite at home there. I parked up on a deserted street outside a very dubious looking ‘massage parlour’ and headed into the unpretentious redbrick building across the street.

Inside, I was greeted by a buzz of noise and bustle. A bunch of friendly, smiley twenty-somethings ushered us into the rather flashy church meeting room that looked more like Hillsongs than 24-7 Prayer. The lighting guys played with their exciting roving stage lights, while we became increasingly surprised as more and more people came through the doors.

The night kicked off with some familiar faces, Jude Smith, Pete Ward and a bunch of Transit guys I vaguely recognised from the last Feast. It was so good to see our 24-7 people on our soil. There was something strategic and confirming about the team being here and drawing all us random ones together.

We worshipped together and the presence of God was so sweet in the room that I could have stayed there forever. People grabbed the mic’s and began to pray and suddenly we weren’t strangers anymore. Sweet prayers of thanks and mighty prayers of fire and Kingdom come in Bristol as it is in Heaven. Amen!

It was sometime after Phil Togwell began to speak, that I realised he was ‘preaching’ his message. It felt more like a fireside chat where we, now friends, all sat around and listened to the secrets of the Kingdom. Phil spoke about breathing in the very breath of God and exchanging dreams with the divine dreamer. That we would be so altered by our intimacy with God that we couldn’t help but alter the world around us. To me it was a sweet thing to draw together what has been separated too long. As we prayed for our city again and then left to go back into it, I knew that something had happened. Something has begun.

iTunes + jesus culture

at last!!!! Jesus Culture Music is now available on itunes!! horay for us international types!!

1st album Everything

and the 2nd We Cry Out (without DVD)

buy it - you will not regret it, in fact you'll love me so much that you'll want to send me lots of presents. it's true.

grin ;)

Live Intimately: Live Generously

It says that Jesus was moved by compassion to minister to the needs He saw around Him. Can you imagine if Jesus suffered from compassion fatigue? 'You know what Father; I'm done with compassion for a bit. This world is seriously needy and they used up all my kindness.'

Can you picture it? No? Well, that's what happens with us…

The Indian Ocean Tsunami saw the biggest response of global giving ever. The Pakistani earthquake, a short time later, saw one of lowest. International compassion was spent. 'One disaster at a time please', we cried! If we're called to follow Jesus, a man who welcomed children after a long day, who had time to eat with a tax collector or stop to talk to one woman when she touched the hem of his cloak. How do we remain compassionate and willing to respond?

I was in Seville for the 24-7 Feast when it occurred to me that living generously, as a response to need, is good but it's not our highest calling. Pete Greig talked of the need to get back to intimacy with the Father and Kelly Green told us of how her life of service and risk is nothing without prayer.

God took Kelly on a year walk of intimacy before she started to 'do' anything. I want the kind of prayer life that seeks after God's heart for His heart alone. A life well spent is one that dwells in the house of the Lord all the days of their life, gazing upon the beauty of the Lord and seeking Him in His temple. One thing. That's all we ever need do with our lives (Psalm 27).

Misty Edwards speaks of wasting her life on purely worshiping God; like Mary and her vase of costly perfume, pouring ourselves out on the One. The beauty of it is, is that when we pour ourselves on God, we end up smelling just like Him.

I discovered recently that people who've been married a long time, don't just pick up each-others habits and opinions but their DNA actually starts to change and they become closer genetically. Bizarre but trust me I didn't make it up. When we are intimate with God, He changes our spiritual DNA. We don't just become like Him, He starts to dwell in our every cell.

Jesus was never far from communion with Father and so He did what He saw the Father doing. He looked like the Father, He sounded like the Father, He walked like the Father and His heart beat like the Father's. The epic simplicity of intimacy with God leads us to be just like Him. He said that 'If you've seen me, you've seen the father'. I want to emulate that. After all, like Bill Johnson says:

'It's not humility to deny what Jesus exchanged with you at the cross - he got all of you and you got all of him.'

Jesus learnt from watching the Father. When I was little, I used to dance with my dad around our kitchen, my little feet on top of his, learning to waltz. But I don't just dance like my dad because I copied him, I also dance like my dad because part of him lives in me, I share his DNA. It's the same with father God, we pick up His heartbeat, His DNA, His life-blood, His character, His love and His compassion. So I pray:
Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray
(We Believe, 2006)

I often say that I don't want to do compassion or do generous acts, I want to be compassionate and I want to be generous. If it's who I am, if it's my DNA, then I can't help being me wherever I go. I long for my compassionate response to be more than something I emotionally manufacture but something that rises from within me, powered by my relationship with the ultimate creator, healer and restorer.

you can read the full article at:
http://www.24-7prayer.com/cm/content/790

www.livinggenerously.com

When sleep is sneaky

The last 3 nights I haven’t been able to sleep until 5am, 4am and last night 3am. I would like to think its something to do with God bringing great Revelation in the night, but it’s got more to do with my body refusing to come back to GMT. I got back from very sunny California last week, after a (yes another) trip to see my friends and family in Redding.


The first week the monsoon got sidetracked and came to visit northern California. It brought snow with it and blocking all the mountain passes into Redding and making life a little tricky for the thousands of people headed to Redding for the bi-annual Jesus Culture. The 3000 seat civic centre was sold out as was Bethel’s 1000 seat auditorium which was getting the conference over live feed. There was even an overflow for the overflow for the 700 students at Bethel this year. Sometimes it’s just great to be in the middle of thousands of young burning one’s hungry for revival in their cities and streets. I didn’t get a new kidney at this jesusculture, but that’s a good thing – I don’t want to be a 3 kidney freak!

The following 2 weeks were hitting the 70’s (yes F) and the world gleamed as only it can in spring after the rain has left the world green and lush. Me and a couple of friends made a trip to the coast to see the giant redwoods. We had the best weekend ever seeing the trees that I’ve dreamt of seeing for years (God listens to our dreams guys). They really are incredible, as is the coffee (jitter bean Mexican mocha- mmmm) and the little old towns of the coast. I also made a day trip down to San Fran, where I drove around with a car full of hippies, listening to sweet hippie tunes and finding finds in the thrift stores of the Height St district. So fun.

me inside a giant tree:
It was just so good to reconnect, see babies born (welcome to the world Jehu Aaronson!), see the miraculous (many diamonds are appearing there at the moment and people getting healed of cancer) and get healed (very painful foot injury). The mountains are still glorious, the worship still powerful, the presence still sweet, the friendships still awesome and the revelation still bring life.

Encounter Awaits You...

I have been listening to this album for 2 weeks solid and it's amazing. I first came across Kim Walker a year and a half ago. What everyone says of her worship leading is that you step straight into an encounter with God. There are many great singers out there (and she is also awesome vocally), but few carry this kind of anointing.


This is the first album she wrote for and her songs carry the sweet presence of the secret place. They are different from the anthems of her Jesus Culture albums, but express a heart turned to God in the middle of life so sweetly. If you want to step into an encounter and find words for where you are at - get this CD (if you can - it's continually selling out! www.ibethel.com)

Encounter

Well my 2nd Jesus Culture Encounter has come around and it was amazing again. I didn't get a new kidney this time (if you didn't hear about that story then you should find the blog on it below!) but God's presense deposited so much more this year. of course the worship was amazing and the stories of God breaking out in everyday lives, on the streets and on campus', were awesome. But it was the manifest presence of god that made the weekend so sweet. there is nothing worse than being in a fancy worship gig without getting touched by the king. BUT when Holy Spirit visits you - He is everything - your resolution, your soul mate, your father, your lover. HE is He is He is.

Sunny California is not so sunny, in fact life vests are advised!! all the passes are closed with snow and drowning is a real risk. But other than that it is so sweet to be back at my other home - it feels like i never left apart from the journey i have been on in the interluding time and the fact that 500 new students are strutting the halls of this revival centre. i am so proud of our new students - our ceiling from last year really is their floor - they are flying higher and its so powerful to see!

one couple have been finding many precious stones appearing in their home. the first one was valued at $10 k - but who can put a value on a piece of heaven?!! we have one in our house too - my housemate found it and it at the couple's house and it is beautiful perfect cut clear gem. god knows what a girl wants huh?!!

the miracles continue of course - we saw maybe 100 healed on saturday morning inc 2 people who HAD cancer!! It's a great time to be alive. It's a great time to be a revivalist - now all we have to do is wlk around and leak our God encounters :)

sx

unresolved

I want to beg you as much as you can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living; train yourself to it - but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your innermost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing.

Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

letter to a friend about a new kidney :)

I keep forgetting to tell you an awesomely awesome story about a miracle in me!!

so...

with great suspense...

lol

k. so a few years ago i had a kidney infection in my right kidney and it wiped me out so much they took me to hospital and while i was in there getting all the tests they found that i had the infection and why it was so bad was because my left kidney was the size of a thumb nail and was only outputting 3% kidney function. they said i could live on 1 kidney but that i need to be really careful with these repeated infections because it meant i had no back up.

so a few years later, like 2007, found myself with a odd bunch of people called Bethelites in a little town in northern california. these said bethelites held a youth conference in February called duh duh duuuuh: 'ENCOUNTER'.

while at the conference fun and crazy man named todd bentley pointed into the crowd - at me - and said there was someone there who's kidneys was going to get healed and they were to stand up.

(now i had regularly told God that he could whack me anytime anywhere - i just wanted the whacking - i am foolish lol)


so i stood up infront of everyone and the moment i did i started being shaken like a doll. very cool but also just slightly embarrassing. so after quite a while of violent shaking, i stupidly tried to stop it and was pretty unsuccessful but managed at least to sit down (thinking that then no one would see - duh -not too bright)

my friend emily walker, a 2nd year from norway, Bill j and a bunch of other bethelites had been praying for me - unbeknown to me (due to excessive shakingness). they asked, of course, if i could test the healing - and of course i couldn't :( so really didn't think much more of the whole deal apart from i had truly been whacked :)

k we're getting there i promise...

take a sip of starbucks and blink lots to refresh straining eyes :)...

k the point approaches...

so for a while i have been feeling a little sick and so they ran some test and i went to the hospital for an ultrasound about 3 weeks ago to check my spleen (you will probably actually know what that is - i have no clue. grin). whilst the checked the spleen, they also asked (quite a random question i think) if there was anything else i wanted them to look at. it suddenly occurred to me that i could have them check my left kidney.

the lovely lady took a look and measured it - it was now 6.5cm (the usual being 9cm and my other measuring 12cm because it compensated the other one when i was young). she said it was smallish but that it was in the limits of normal. what she couldn't work out was how it had grown from like 2cm :)


i'm not sure if i instantly got a new 6cm kidney during Encounter 07 or whether its been miraculously growing ever since and will hit 9 cm one of these days. either way - i have 100% kidney function and two, within the range of normal, kidneys.

sweet.

k that was longer than expected - you can now finish your starbucks and i will start mine :)

love you girl xxx

S

Back from the (former) USSR

why do all my titles have to be cheesy references to somthin or other? oh well ;)



OK news from Poland...


So i got back home yesterday afternoon having not slept for 31 hours and managed to stay awakes another 8! i am officially a staying awake genius :)

But lesser news (!!) ...

me and my 3 intrepid companions, traveled 1372 miles in a circle around western Poland visiting 7 churches. We connected with 3 out of a group of 5 church leaders that are pressing into this move of the spirit. Though great apostolic fathers they were very humble in asking us to share with them more on healing and a culture of healing. the message was simple and the ministry powerful. my favorite times were when we could teach them how to pray and make them the ministry team - that was so much fun!

we also ran healing rooms in most places we went, which i found very draining to begin with as the way the team ministered was very different to Bethel culture and we had no time out to get refilled. But after easing up our schedule and being able to operate more freely beacause we had to work more on our own (due to high demand) - it got so much easier! so thank you for your prayers - they were powerful and effective!

we saw many impossible cases which were tough but well suited to a God of the impossible. With some we didn't see an instant miracle and thats always hard, but it's a part of the deal while we are still taking the ground and has to fuel us towards greater breakthrough. However, we were working with a BIG God and so we got to see many awesome miracles :)

One of my favorite was a boy of 12 who had no arches in his feet! Just a couple of months ago i saw the first person get thier arches restored, after hearing testimonies from Bill's trip to Australia. so i just new that God could fix this boys feet. it took about 5 miniutes, first the left one got raised and then the right. The boy's mum alternated between laughing and crying as she measured the difference. Before, she couldn't get her fingers underneath the feet at all and by the end she could get three. His feet looked perfect! This boy escaped from a life of back damage and pain, all because we have a God that is good and powerful!

We also encountered a large degree of emotional healing needs from a nation that is culturised by a long and recent history of oppression, fear and horrific war. We saw many people get freed of depression, fear and anxiety (which also released many physically healings in their bodies).

on the first night we met one young girl who had been brought up in an alcoholic abusive home and recently abandoned by her parents. she couldn't look at our male team members and was scared and depressed. I simply told her what God thought of her and we got to pray for her. She was filled with the love and Spirit of God and her whole countenance and spirit changed in front of us. Over the next 3 days she spent more time on the carpet and received more of the spirit from others in the church. She was so full of joy and light it was incredible. Sweet, sweet Jesus!

Poland was awesome. I so loved getting to pray for some these sweet people. If touch is your love language then go to Poland - you will get so many big real hugs you will be giddy! I loved connecting with so many influential leaders, eager for more of God. Things are moving in Poland. 'Poland for Jesus' is growing and bringing new life to this nation. They told me that the Polish spirit is something very unique. Once they believe in something, they get completely sold out - mind, soul, spirit and body. They told me how when the pope died, 2 million Poles got in their cars and drove towards the Vatican. No one told them to and many never got there as they were stuck in traffic jams of Poles across Austria! my friend drove accross Poland that day and didn't see another car until he got to the german border, because Poland was empty of cars! I have made some friends that I hope to know forever.

The strength and devotion of the Polish spirit, once caught by the Spirit of God would be an unstoppable force.

Well guys - i love you and I'm so grateful for your prayers that sustained me.

Keep Burning,

Sarah

From Poland with Love

Hey everyone one of you gorgeous lovely people! Thank you to everyone that is praying - your encouragement is essential!!!!!!!!!!!!

we are criss-crossing the south of Poland visiting churches from good sized modern city churches to small rural churches to groups just simply assembled in peoples homes.It's been busy- back to back meetings, healing rooms and traveling (which provides rest actually - so good). up til now there has been no space for time out with jesus - so the other day i had to opt out of a healing rooms session and go reconnect with papa. it was so good. and the schedule gets less packed out from now on so i get to plug in more.

I've found that listening to podcasts and worship etc. is really helpful - but i don't get really filled up until i can actually sing out worship myself.

I'm learning a lot about my weaknesses and strengths here - and its all good because there is no condemnation only the excitement that papa can work on those areas with me and that we go from glory to glory! I'm also learning to feel the holy spirit guide more and many new things in ministry. my main challange is operating under a ministry that is so different from Bethel culture - both theologically and practically. I really want to bless this ministry as thats what i'm here for, but at the same time can't operate quite how they do.

so i have found myself just stepping back and focusing on heaven- worshiping. making my consciousness of God bigger than whatever is infornt of us. sometimes this alone is a challange as we visit the very sickest in their homes - cancer and MS patients that are close to death, but so not dead yet! its challanging and so that time with papa is so essential.

we make good friends wherever we go. particularly in the first church there were a couple that just so blessed me it was awesome. i was given a prophetic word from them that touched on about 5 other obscure prophecies that i've recieved and what was nuts was that i was just praying a heart cry to God at the time and the word she brought was a direct response! papa knows us and hears us - wherever we are. I want to realise the opotunity i have in my hands.

with so many many people to pray for constantly i have occasionaly found myself hitting apathy or something - where i have to really stir myself to release kingdom and contend for breakthrough. we have seen some sweet sweet miracles though. one young woman was so ecstatic about her knees being healed that we heard her running and shouting and laughing outside for ages after we were praying for the next person! it was good.

one of the things we hit often here is depression- so many people are still effected by the nazi and soviet occupations - and the behviors and mentalitites that the occupations cultivated. its good to see that getting washed off and peace anf joy being given them. so good :)

right now - I'm alone (yey!!! jesus loves me) for a moment with a pc and so i get to write to you :) I'm in a tiny ex-soviet apartment which belongs to a young polish girl i met late last night - we communicate very basically - me speaking english (which she somewhat understands but can't speak) and her speaking German (which i somewhat understand but can't speak) its fun! i tried my german on her and asked her 'hast du leibe auf deutsch?' which means 'have you love in Germany' when i meant to ask her if she has ever lived (laben) in Germany! oh well :)

this is the forth place i've stayed since we arrived - some of them like palaces and some like you would imagine communist places to be like. BUT they have all been warm!!! thank you jesus!!

well i should go and make the most of papa time - love you guys!!!! thank you again for all of you who are praying and sending me such encouraging words

xxx Sarah

these will keep you going for years...

it is not a good day to go to bed and have no blood on my sword

not all who wander are aimless

Your preparation is in direct relation to your purpose

The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible -- and achieve it, generation after generation (American Writer Pearl S. Buck 1892-1973)

The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill
her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There
is nothing between.

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may
live as you wish.

heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons and never changing the subject

It is a kingly act to assist the fallen.

The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving.

it is foolish to worship angels, it is equally foolish to ignore them

if i leave prayer the same way i went in, i wasn't praying, i was complaining.

on earth as it is in heaven - there is no cancer in heaven!

unbelief is anti-christ in nature.

God is good.

performing for none, living for one.

if you fear man, then you will not fear God.

you're area of greatest opposition is your area of destiny

disappointment will either push you towards breakthrough or to back away from it.

it's not humility to deny what Jesus exchanged with you at the cross - he got all of you and you got all of him.

joshua 1:5-9

If you want to be kept by God, you must keep.

Sin is a heart problem, a mistake is a mistake.

Fall

It’s now fall in America and autumn over here. The same season with different names and different cultures. I used to think that the US didn’t really have a culture. It was just a watered down conglomerate of cultures mixed with a hefty portion of modern consumerism. But, on living there I found much culture, particularly in the season we call autumn and they call fall.

I also discovered that whilst the US lead the way in the delivery of movies, serials, and Starbucks, that they (well the ones I met) are way more traditional then us Europeans. The guys carry your shopping (I grew up thinking you had to pay people to do that), they throw ‘showers’ (not the bathroom kind – the party kind) and the woman still do crafts (the paper and scissors kind not the witch kind). Even the homes are more classically decorated. So it not surprising that on entering an autumnal home, you will find spice candles lit in the bathroom, ivy and fall leaves arranged on the mantle-piece and miniature strange looking pumpkin things arranged in clusters on any available surface.

So as I was a student of culture last year in Cali, I attempted to embrace every new experience and, of course, get to the bottom of the mini-pumpkin situation. Well that’s what I told everyone. I couldn’t let on that my independant, busy, modern woman self, was more than just intrigued by this creative domesticity. In true Stepford fashion, the candles and the crafts overtook me. Soon I found myself spending my Saturday afternoons giddily cutting and gluing and making and baking at girls ‘get-together’ parties. A glass of sparkling grape in one hand and a Hershey Kisses in the other, we talked, and chatted and dreamed like little girls or old wives. I loved it.

Though I left America, America didn’t quite leave me. So as the leaves started to turn this year, a flurry of candle buying and leave collection took place. I also visited hobby-craft (somewhere I had never been before) to buy crafty stuff and complained the whole way around that it was so limited. Oh dear. Anyway, I emerged armed with tissue paper and skeleton leaves and have proceeded to spend the last week decorating the house for ‘Fall’. A little trip to Ikea nailed the candles and table runner.

All this to say. I love Autumn and now Autumn is in my house. Sigh of contentment and much smiles of happiness. I’m all cultured.

6.7 million

On the 27 October, 1967, the Abortion Act was officially passed in the UK Parliament. As Big Ben struck midnight it was the beginning of a day which marks the 40th Anniversary of this Act, an Act which has resulted in the loss of 6.7 million unborn lives, a figure which is rapidly approaching the total figure of the population of London and the number who died in the Holocaust.

trust = love

pam spinosi writes:

One morning in 2003, I found it hard to pray because I awoke hit with the “realization” that God had not answered my prayer about an important issue in my life. To continue to hope seemed pointless, for I felt it was already over. Then I thought about Lazarus’ death.

In John 11:3, Jesus’ friends had asked Him to do something for them—heal their brother—expecting He would because He loved Lazarus. “If you love me, Lord, it should look like this…” Jesus purposely stayed two more days because He didn’t plan to heal Lazarus but to raise him from the dead. When He arrived, both Mary and Martha essentially said to Him the same thing: “It’s over, Lord. You were too late. You didn’t do anything.” His response to them differed notably.

He had an answer for Martha: “If you believe, you’ll see the glory of God.” He revealed something about Himself to Martha through this situation. He said, “I am the resurrection and the life.” Every time He reveals Himself or a part of His character, He precedes it with “I am.” He was showing her that He is resurrection and life. The others who came to console the family also questioned His goodness, but they, too, got to see the glory of God when Jesus raised Lazarus.

Mary, to whom He was evidently closer, received no reply from Him but a groan. He seemed to entrust Mary with the deeper—but harder—lesson. Could He have expected her not to need an explanation but to trust even in His silence and in the contradiction?

Though she loved Him, Mary’s trust was being tested. If we fear, our love is not perfect (I John 1:17, 18). What really counts is “faith that works by love” (Gal. 5:6). Fear is an enemy of both faith and love.

I have heard it said, “What you fear, you worship.” I once saw an actual statue of Baal in a museum in Carthage, Tunisia. All the gold on earth could not have compelled me to bow down and worship that ugly little thing. Yet I have given my worship to fear. How foolish! Even the Baal statue is cuter than the fiendish face of fear.

I have begun to discover fear’s little hideouts—places where I exhibit a lack of trust.

When I wallow in regret, I am not trusting in God’s redemption.
When I fume with impatience, I am not trusting in His timing.
When I grasp selfishly, I am not trusting in His provision.
When I complain, I am not trusting in His character.
When I think it’s only up to me, I am not trusting in His Fatherhood.
When I conclude all is lost and over, I am not trusting in His power, wisdom and goodness.

He is God! My default drive should be peace. Assurance. In everything, my dad works for my good. He is good—and I am loved.

During a painful time of waiting, I once said to the Lord, “Did Joseph really keep trusting you in all those years of prison?” His reply was to remind me that the “trying of our faith is more precious than gold” (I Peter 1:7), and I understood something. Maybe what Jesus had hoped to get from Mary, a woman who had lavished him with ardent, costly worship, was her trust even in inexplicable circumstances.

We are hearing reports of huge, precious jewels dropping from heaven in people’s yards. Giving Him our trust is like depositing precious jewels on His lawn! These jewels are incomparable, invaluable. He treasures them as you would a ruby from heaven. We can give God a gift of worth and beauty as exquisite as a ruby. But we can only give such a gift of trust now when we can’t see and when we don’t understand; we won’t be able to give Him that when we are face to face with Him in heaven. When we choose to trust while in the dark place, when we are unmoved by what happens—or doesn’t—in our own “four days” between the “end” (our deadline) and when Jesus shows up, we are offering an immeasurably pleasant sacrifice to our God. Pondering that thought dims the painful feelings that clamor for my attention and makes me want to pour out on Him again what I alone can give Him—my own unwavering confidence in His goodness.

God doesn’t help us give Him this gift—nor does He make us. He has given us grace, but we choose whether to use it to trust Him. A child’s drawing is always a precious gift to me. Little children all over the world have blessed me with their drawings and paintings. I treasure and save every one. The artwork would mean less to me, though, if I had held the children’s hands and directed their strokes—or even asked for their drawing. Instead, these pieces are their own creations, freely offered to me from their hearts. I love them because they come from the children. God loves the trust that comes from us. We can’t fathom how much.

Once He asked me if I would follow Him even if I didn’t get what I had hoped and waited for. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego confessed their faith in God’s ability to deliver them but added, “But if not…we will not serve your gods” (Daniel 3:17, 18). Peter said, “Where else can we go, Lord?” (John 6:68). Like theirs, my answer was, “Yes.”

Most of us will face what Mary and Martha faced. Some situation may tempt us to think our Lord has forgotten and disappointed us. Four days had passed since Lazarus died and the sisters acquiesced to the theory that their Lord had let them down. What will you do in those days of discouragement between the death of the promise and the arrival of Jesus? Will you despair and blame Him for failing you? Or will you honor Him with your precious gift of trust and let Him reveal to you some new aspect of His glory?

It's funny.

God has been showing me stuff about joy -

Like how if you don't keep your eyes on the joy set before you, you won't have the strength to do the things you are called to. Like how if the devil can't steal your joy, he can't take your stuff. Like how the joy OF THE LORD is my very lifeblood and it only comes from His sweet presense in my every second.

You know when He teaches you something there is generally a reason why you need it? We call it the tigger annointing - bouncing in the face of impossibility, pressure, circumstance.

So today, I'm going to bounce. Today i am going to press further in to God's sweet presense. Today I'm not letting go of the joy that's mine by inheritence. With tears in my eyes, i go deeper and make the exchange - my tears for His joy, His presense.

Because I have the same DNA as Jesus, joy is mine. Not mauufactured joy. Not religious joy. I mean REAL JOY.

That way, I'm laughing.

Struggling with Questions?

God is Good.

This is an amazing amazing message mix that will take your confusion and point it at the truth.

Please click on the link below and liston to the track 'God is Good' - if we could really get this, it would solve so much of our heartache, struggle and confusion.

liston to this: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=135688773

Dissapointment will either make us more desperate for breakthrough or crush our beliefs. Let's make it the door to breakthrough.

much love xx

Because of Vicky

Today is a day of sadness.

As we sat through Vicky's funeral a whole concoction of emotions were running through me. Mainly just a deep sadness for what has happened. That Vicky was not going to see her kids grow up and get married; that she wasn't going to spend decades with Rob and that she wasn't going to get to do all that she wanted to.

Yes deep sadness is where we are at. I was also sad that we hadn't reached a place of seeing her healed. You see, we don't chase after the fullness of the Kingdom just for fun. We chase after it because of days like today; because we don't want to have to do this again.

And we are getting there, and Rob and Vicky are part of it. We are so thankful for her amazing life, but angry that it was stolen from her. Despite this, she is still victorious.

This only consolidates my determination to run the race like Vicky. People come to us to find the power of Jesus and i will not stop until they do, every time.


This poem is for Vicky, because we don't want it to happen again:


I will bend my mind
And bend hell under me

I will host heaven
And dispel the darkness away from me

I will see from heights
The truth that scripture writes for me

****

I will understand the angelic commission
And foresee the demonic remission

I will be a student of heaven
And a teacher of Kingdom

I will flow out of intimacy
And draw people into Him

****

I will repel the cobwebs
And paper walls

I will ponder the works of God
And not the falls

I will set the tragedies free
And not centre them around me

****

I will dream as if nothing were impossible
And pull fire from heroes unstoppable
I will run the race and receive the prize,
of Kingdom come and God glorified

Handling Dissapointment

There are many of us who have contended alongside Vicky for her healing. We know it was God's will for her to be healed and yet, tragically, her death on Saturday is a reality.

I am so impressed by the faith of Living Waters, of her leadership and their courage to not bend the promises of God under attack and circumstance. I am so proud of my church, Vicky and Rob. Heroes of the faith.

Love is so important right now in our church family and grief so needed.

These times can be scary for us who put our faith on the line for something and our dissapointed that we didn't see the breakthrough. It's so important to rest in God's love and security and keep our minds renewed on the truth. Let's not give way.

I, and many friends have found teaching on dissapointment by Bill really helpful for this. He has been there and I trust him. He does specific teaching on this which you can download from the bethel church store, but much of it is contained in the 4 sessions at the new wine's leadership conference held a month ago. the link to download it is below thanks to Woodies. Bless you guys x

http://thefuse.info/news/4-new-fusecast-episodes-bill-johnson-at-new-wine-2007/