Pretty shoes are generous because...

they cost a lot
they hurt a lot
they cause health problems
they cause addiction problems
they cause walking down hills problems
you can't drive in them
and they are leathel when combined with cattle grids

But all this is suffered at great cost,
so that others can take great joy in seeing very beautiful shoes.
aah. Now that's generosity.

Friends

what is the friendship thing? I am wondering, having spent the weekend with some very special girlfriends of mine, what the friendship thing is. You see, according to Bridget Jones and the rest of the world there are certain expectations with romantic relationships - but are there with frienships?

In junior school, we formalised friendships a bit like relationships. We had specific, offical and publically recognised 'best friends' and a defined friendship group who we exclusivly hung out with in the playground, invited to birthday parties and had play days round at each-others houses.

come high school, we dropped the 'best friend' thing but still just about had them and had a slighty less defined and bigger social group. these were more casual then previously and they may never see the inside of your front door.

come college, everyone is too cool and popular to define friendship groups and everything is super casual and fluid - everyone is everyone's friend and the pub is your home.

Uni and it changes again - your good friends become your family as you live in the same student house and then there's the folk from your basketball team and your English lectures, and your housemates friends and the random you met at a club and the girls from church...

so you leave uni and you're suddenly in a town where no-one knows your name and your good friends are scattered and you all begin new lives, with new people, new churches and again, new friends.

In your wake are tens of people who've been your friends, who you've trusted, who've seen your everyday and your hey day, who've sat up all night talking in PJ's - who you've had a relationship with (even if platonic) but have left along the way.

It's seen as positive to have had many friends but hurtful to have had many broken relationships - hmmm no point just a musing. That actually people are care-free about making friends and leaving friends, but are more cautious with relationships...

A trip to your home -town and fantastic old friends can make you think! I may not invest as much into them or expect as much back as a romantic relationship - it may not be formal or official, but actually they're consistancy is awesome and I love them to bits!!

I am Bridget

boyfriend: 0 (but whole and happy with self)
weight: unknown (and sticking to it)
ww points consumed: now unknown as pastries and donuts points value cannot be found due to general presumption they will not be consumed whilst on ww.
cigerettes: 0 but now considering valid option
balls planned: 1
riding planned: 1
glamerous weekend away with the girls planned: 2
exercise: 2
spiritual moments: 0 (but may just have one now as missing God chats)

I did an msn 'are you going to die because you're obese' test yesturday. asked all sorts of personal questions and was, i feel, quite inaapropriate. Anyway complied and worked out weightage in kg as silly system does not work in stone like rest of sane world. was very complicated to work out and involved great mathmatical and research skills. good for me. Anyway it said i was in the most 'at risk' catagory as had over 5 points on test. oh dear. plus it's probably not too promising as underestimated weight (as from last weight watchers meeting over 2 months ago and height which I'm never sure of - must measure before i die. preferably not of obesity as would not look exceedingly glamerous and dignified on death certificate). Anyway. point being: Kg very bizarre race.

Thing most disterbing when reading highly acclaimed and intelectual novel 'Edge of Reason'. Is frequant mention of weightage and general implication that rather large with lots of help needed to combat largeness. primarily large underwear, gym regime etc. but again point being, 9 st 6 undercuts weight of self considerably, so making self feel very obese - both through literary world and msn world and pastry and donut just consumed. gaaaah.

Not sure if good for mental state to be reading said book. hmmmm

When nobody speaks of remarkable things

Getting real and keeping the faith?

I'm looking forward to the release of Pete Greig's latest work 'God on Mute'. I've had many (many) heated discussions with Mr worthington surrounding this one - why if we are promised healing from the man that took sickness in every lashing, do friends still die of cancer. Why, if my brother is covered by the blood and is an inheritor of freedom, is he suffering month on month, and now year upon year.

I have my 'head' stance - that truth is in the word and that present circumstances are just temporary facts. I know my God is big enough. I know every theory and believe me we've covered them and tried them all. Don't tell me God brings these things to teach us and grow us. My God is the God of life and wholeness, he won't instigate this sickness and suffering. I know Him. And I have seen his power and his miricles.

That established, where I'm at does not even fit into words let alone rational thoughts. All i can do is scream at heaven: WHY? why is he still so bound? why is he not free after the first petition so many months ago? why when we tell this mountain to move does it not jump? why can't we hear your thoughts on this issue Jesus. endless whys...

And still, everyday i go home and he's not healed.

What i see conflicts with everything i believe. there aren't easy answers though everyone has one. Hello - it's not meant to be like this.

This I know, and has not been moved. Somewhere in the middle of this, Jesus is so powerful. He has not changed, his presence is more than real, his love is unshaken and I Trust Him. that's all the answer i have left. He is all I'l ever need, He is good, He never leaves and His heart is bigger and deeper and older and fresher than any of ours. It is (with)in Him that I need to be.

Being the change

Mahatma Ghandi had it right when he said: 'Be the change you want to see in the world.' I may be a modern hippy and 'you may say I'm a dreamer' (but I think we've already established that - though not quite in the Lennon sense), but do we do nothing and not impact anything or at least be able to say that change has happened in me - in one person? Who knows at sometime in our lives we may even effect another person!!!

Actually I think we do effect things already either positively or negatively. The little things with the people we live or work with, the lovely helpful person at the tesco check-out, or the little old lady you don't know but wave to every day. Then there's the big stuff. Giving and giving big. Collectively joining forces with all the other millions of people (that feel they don't really make a difference either) and buying good energy. Getting to a place of influence at work...

Thing is with me, is that I can think all this stuff, encourage the world to do it, complain about the problems and the exploitation but never establish it in my own life. Its good to think BIG but sometimes I need to think small as well.

Helen

My friend Helen, who is an amazing woman of God and courageous enough to follow Jesus around the world, has just emailed some news and photos.

Her stories of places in India (which are so familiar to me) and experiences in Rwanda/Mozambique, just stir in me a love for such people and places. I just get taken to a place of longing to be in touch with such precious people - each child, woman and man who God loves. It's something of Jesus in us that draws us to reach out and touch each individual with love.

I was reading yesterday an account from a girl in Moz who also works for Iris ministries there. I related so strongly with her simple statement that 'nothing could be so important' as caring for 'unwanted', withdrawn children and seeing them change into healthy, whole - fun loving, Jesus praising, kids. You can check it all out at http://www.irismin.org/